Statistics say most people are more afraid of public speaking than they are of snakes and dying. Personally, I think I would rather take my chances in the desert with an angry rattlesnake than I would speaking in front of a large crowd of people. If I’m being 100% honest with you, in some cases, speaking in front of a single person can prove quite challenging. That’s because…
To be specific, since anxiety manifests in many different ways, I experience severe social anxiety because I have avoidant personality disorder (AvPD).
Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by feelings of extreme social inhibition, inadequacy, and sensitivity to negative criticism and rejection.
More than just a feeling of shyness, social anxiety can make you feel like there’s actually a colony of bees inside of your chest, buzzing around angrily because obviously, bees don’t want to be inside of your chest. Sometimes even seeing friends and family can feel like you’re being lined up for the firing squad. It can be very difficult to manage social anxiety because of the intense feelings of panic it causes. How can you cope with it then when you just want to stop, drop, and assume the fetal position?
Step out of your comfort zone and socialize. Yes, really. Believe me when I say it is way easier to sit in the comfort of your own home, chilling in your favorite PJs, and binging on Netflix. Realistically though, isolating yourself because of your fears isn’t doing you any favors. Start by dipping a toe in the water and try downloading an app like Bumble to meet new people in your area.
Turn off your imagination. I was disappointed many years ago to learn that I don’t have psychic powers. I suppose I shouldn’t rule anything out because they could just be untapped powers, but as of now, I definitely can’t read minds. I’m going to take a stab in the dark here and guess that you can’t read minds either. Therefore, it’s easy to assume you know what someone is thinking about you but you really don’t. Even if you could read minds and knew for a fact what someone was thinking about you, you can’t control or change how they feel.*¹
Go easy on yourself. Social anxiety can make you overanalyze your every breath, word, and movement. Some typical self-conscious thoughts I have include:
- “I can’t believe I just said that.”
- “What if I say something wrong?”
- “I hope no one notices how jittery (or tense) I am.”
- “I probably should just stay quiet. No one wants to hear what I have to say anyway.”
- “I wonder if anyone can smell that fart?”
- “If I get up and throw this piece of garbage away everyone will look at me.”
Chances are no one is analyzing you that way, so why are you still dwelling on that weird thing you said 3 weeks ago? Hell, go out and say more weird things because that brings me to my next tidbit of advice.
Be yourself. Sorry, I know it’s about as cliche as cliche gets but it’s solid advice. Confident people are not perfect anomalies who never say the wrong thing or act a little weird; they just embrace it. Learning how to be yourself is like polishing rust off of an old decoration. Once you scrape away the tough layers, you and everyone else can see your real beauty and who you’re meant to be.
*¹ If you can read minds I guess I shouldn’t say you can’t control people because if you can read people’s thoughts who am I to assume the extent of your psychic abilities? I’m just making an educated guess.
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